


Technological Cat-astrophe

by Ashfen



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Echolalia, Fluff, Gen, Goemon autistic Goemon autistic Goem, Goemon doesn't like technology, Goemon is a cat dad, Humor, Modern, Twitter, these cats have more personality than I do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:28:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25362397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashfen/pseuds/Ashfen
Summary: When voice to text is activated on a certain samurai's mobile device, what ensues is...!?!?!
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	Technological Cat-astrophe

Goemon Ishikawa woke with the sun, though he did not truly start his day until around eight in the morning, with his obligatory brief check of the notifications on his cellphone. He couldn't have cared less about the piece of metal - actually, what did they make it out of nowadays? - but the others used theirs incessantly, especially to make plans, so he begrudgingly used his.  
Checking Twitter, he saw that the other three had been chatting away long after he'd gone to bed, only seeming to taper off a few hours before he'd woken. The man clicked his tongue a bit. How irresponsible of them. After he'd caught up in the group chat Goemon put the phone down - there had to be glass in it as well right? For the screen? - on the counter to proceed to feeding his cats. He had three; Himeko, Nishisanetaka-Sama, and Masanori - or as he'd begun calling him recently, Daisuke.

All he could think about while feeding them was what on earth was the little machine on the counter top made of. He'd heard about something called silicone some time ago, could it be that? It was going to drive him insane until he found out. With a defeated sigh, the samurai turned the phone back on.

"What is a phone made out of?"

" _A cellphone is made from a variety of metals, with the most common being aluminum alloys, lightweight materials commonly found in the phone case. Lithium cobalt oxide and carbon graphite are used to make the batteries. Elements like gold, copper and silver are used in the wiring of the phone._ "

" Aluminum alloys."

It was pleasing to say, and he continued to mutter it to himself as he watched the cats. Fujiko had set up the voice recognition for him after noticing how much trouble Goemon had finding the applications he needed by icons, and he used it more often than he'd like to admit; it was handy.

He'd returned to his daily routine, which involved a single tweet around the time he knew everyone else to generally be awake, when Himeko arrived at his feet mid tweet and stared at him.

"Is something the matter?"

She cried, and trotted off just out of sight before sounding again.  
The white Birman was spoiled beyond belief, though Goemon himself didn't help the matter by treating her - as her namesake - like a little princess.  
Once he went to see what the problem was, Goemon sighed.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
Himeko, I understand that you want to eat now, but I have fed you already.  
11:47 A.M.

Uncaring about this, she cried once more.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
Please do not beg so sadly, it will not change anything.  
11:48 A.M.

She sat in front of him next to her bowl and continued to mewl.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
Mao.  
11:48 A.M.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
Do you see how it doesn't change anything?  
11:48 A.M.

She continued to beg so sorrowfully that he had a moral crisis. What if Masanori or Nishisanetaka-Sama had swiped her food before she'd gotten a chance to eat? Goemon hadn't known either of them to do such a thing before, but what if they had started to?

After careful consideration, he eventually caved in to the little cat and put about half of what he normally would into her bowl.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
Just in case you are telling the truth Himeko, I shall give you just a bit more.  
11:53 A.M.

She chirped happily before she began to eat.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
Do not betray my trust.  
11:54 A.M.

Just in case, the man sat and watched over her until she was completely finished. Neither Daisuke nor Nishisanetaka-Sama approached her while she was eating, and so he rose to continue his day. 

**Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
Good afternoon, Nishisanetaka-Sama.  
2:03 P.M.

The old cat was sitting in the windowsill in the bedroom, and merely huffed in Goemon's direction.  
Nishisanetaka-Sama had previously been an elderly Siberian forest cat that roamed the neighborhood after his previous owner had passed, however after a hard fought battle that lasted for months, Goemon triumphed and got the beast to trust him enough to reside with him. It was a well-earned victory, and Nishisanetaka-Sama was an opponent worthy of respect.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
Would you like to join me on a walk to the shop?  
2:04 P.M.

The beast's ears perked up at the mention of a walk, and he yawned before gathering himself to hop off of his throne of leisure, trotting off presumably to wait for him at the door. Smiling softly, he went to find Masanori.  
The cat was dozing in a sunny spot on the carpet, but cracked an eye open and gave a small 'mrrp?' when Goemon approached.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
Apologies for waking you from your nap Daisuke, but I have a job for you.  
2:07 P.M.

The cat yawned and stretched, but otherwise didn't move from his spot.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
I understand that you're very hard at work sunbathing, but you must understand that your duties come first.  
2:08 P.M.

Masanori remained still for a bit longer before he finally rose, yellow eyes staring blankly ahead at Goemon.  
The cat was a Bombay that seemed to have come with the house, though no one in the neighborhood knew where he had originated. After an incident on Twitter in which Jigen had posted an image of Masanori's fundament claiming it as his own, Goemon had started to notice the similarities between the two, and eventually began to call him Daisuke in secret. It was mostly in jest, though he was still somewhat opposed to the others finding out.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
Masanori, I shall entrust Himeko to you while I attend to the groceries.  
2:09 P.M.

He blinked but didn't react otherwise.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
It is a very important duty.  
2:09 P.M.

With that Goemon stood and slipped on his zori, opening the door for Nishisanetaka-Sama before following behind him.

Upon returning the man was greeted by Himeko crying at the door.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
How long have you been here Himeko?  
4:00 P.M.

Upon seeing him the little cat mewled and rubbed against his leg, causing him to smile and lower himself to gently stroke her head.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
You do not need to fret any longer.  
4:01 P.M.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
I've returned.  
4:01 P.M.

He removed his zori before scooping Himeko into his arms and stepping inside, briefly searching for the bombay.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
Did Masanori abandon you to go nap?  
4:03 P.M.

Himeko was contently purring now; there were many times where she wouldn't stop crying until Goemon carried her, but the samurai didn't mind.

The other cat was eventually found dozing in what Goemon understood to be Jigen's spot; the place where the gunman would always lie down and nap for hours, or simply lounge.

The peculiar thing was that this spot left him with his back on the arm rests of two separate couches. Masanori fit snugly on said arm rests, though his paws and the tip of his tail dangled off when he stretched.  
A composed smile found its way onto his face.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
You really are just like him.  
4:17 P.M.

And then it fell.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
But you abandoned your duties to sleep, and who knows what else.  
4:17 P.M.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
It was incredibly irresponsible and selfish of you.  
4:18 P.M.

The guilty party yawned and rolled onto his back, rubbing against the fabric.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
Cute as you may be, you need to be held accountable for what you did.  
4:20 P.M.

Masanori opened his eyes and stared.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
No treats tonight.  
4:21 P.M.

The cat was unaffected. Satisfied with his disciplinary action however, Goemon took Himeko to the bedroom to set her down on the bed before going to train.

It was while in the middle of making dinner that the phone began to vibrate on the counter, the noise too distracting to ignore.  
Picking it up and staring at the screen, Goemon saw that it was a call from Fujiko.

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
Hello?  
6:32 P.M.

"Have you checked your Twitter recently?"

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
My Twitter?  
6:33 P.M.

The woman laughed.  
"I'll take that as a no."

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
Is there a problem?  
6:33 P.M.

"You've been posting all day, you know? Was Jigen over?"

 **Ishikawa Goemon** @goemon7  
Jigen? Why do you ask about him?  
6:34 P.M.

"You mentioned him a few times."  
Confused, he went to open the app, and to his dismay he saw that he had in fact been posting throughout the day by some witchcraft.  
"But I didn't know you called him Daisuke when you're alone~"

"I don't."

"Then who were you talking to?"

He considered it for a bit.  
"That's none of your business."


End file.
